What does it mean?

Hello bloggie! How are you? Do you miss me, eh? Sorry I haven't post sumthin new 'cause currently I'm a bit unhealthy. I got fever, cough and flu :'( yeah get well soon to me and honestly I miss to post sumthin here...so here I am! Even my mom told that I must take a nap but...I don't want to mom, sorry :p fyi I don't go to school for three days (include today) because I'm sick and hell yeah I feel fuckin bored here -____- I've finished read 4 novels in a day, 'cause there's nothing I can do. Ok feel free to call me crazy, or freak? Maybe I really am. Before I was sitting in front of my laptop, my fingers rested on every letter. I wanted to write. I wanted to create just one brilliant story. But I couldn't. I didn't make any sense. My head was filled. But I don't know what or why. Hmm well I just found this on internet, and I was like...JEPPP! when I read this,

I was trying to control my emotion when you ruined my mood again..

"Ketika wanita menangis,
 bukan berarti dia sedang mengeluarkan senjata terampuhnya,

melainkan justru berarti dia sedang mengeluarkan senjata terakhirnya.
Ketika wanita menangis,
 bukan berarti dia tidak berusaha menahannya, melainkan karena pertahanannya sudah tak mampu lagi membendung air matanya.
Ketika wanita menangis,
 bukan karena dia ingin terlihat lemah,
melainkan karena dia sudah tidak sanggup berpura-pura kuat

Ketika wanita menangis, 
bukan berarti dia ingin mencari perhatian,
melainkan karna apa yang dia perhatikan telah mengabaikannya.
Ketika wanita menangis, 
bukan berarti dia mengharapkan belas kasihan,
melainkan karna dia sedang mengasihani dirinya sendiri.
Ketika wanita menangis, 

bukan berarti dia ingin membuat sesuatu yang dia tangisi merasa bersalah, melainkan karna dia tidak tau kesalahan apa yang membuat keadaan menjadi sedemikian.
Ketika wanita menangis, 

bukan berarti dia sedang memancing kepedulian semua orang terhadapnya, melainkan justru karna dia tau, bahwa tidak akan ada orang yang peduli."

 

and yeah again..that fact...was fuckin true. For me, or let I say for some girl. It totally doesn't mean that girl is weak but it means girl is fragile and tough (too complicated? try to find it by yourself) I love to cry because I'm a girl, I love to cry because I'll be free after that, I love to cry because it reminds me of you, I love to cry because...I want it. I know that I'm not a little baby anymore and I know I'm NOT. I'm strong enough to face it by myself. Sometimes I wonder why things are getting harder everyday, how I wish I could turn back time. It hurts to grow. Anyone who says it doesn't.....is lying. And dear time, can you slow yourself a lil bit every weekends? And much more faster on the weekdays? Thanks. 

Muak

Ini cuman muntahan otak. Bukan sajak. Bukan puisi
Tapi mungkin presepsi anda berbeda. Terserah

Saya muak
Muak dengan segala kemunafikan
Muak dengan segala aktivitas yang itu-itu saja
Muak dengan segala yang palsu dan tak berbobot
Muak mengatakan saya baik-baik saja ketika sesungguhnya tidak
Muak mengatakan ya ketika kenyataannya sama sekali enggan
Muak terpaksa menyugingkan senyum karena keadaan
Muak pura-pura tidak tahu padahal kenyataannya sangat mengetahui
Muak melihat orang bermuka dua berkeliaran
Muak mendengar pujian palsu yang sebenarnya menyimpan rasa dengki
Muak berpura-pura baik kepada orang yang tidak pantas diberi belas kasih
Muak harus tertawa padahal dalam hati menahan tangis
Muak untuk mengalah karena perasaan tidak enak
Muak merasa galau ketika terbawa suasana
Muak mengingat masa lalu yang tidak ada gunanya
Muak melihat orang yang tidak pernah bersyukur atas dirinya

Saya ingin
Ingin pergi jauh ke tempat antah berantah
Ingin mensyukuri hidup seakan sempurna
Ingin terbang bebas tak terkendali
Ingin dicintai dan mencintai
Ingin selalu senang tanpa susah
Ingin sukses dan dipandang orang
Ini khayalan? Bukan. Atau mimpi? Apalagi itu
Hanya luapan emosi. Tak setuju? Lagi-lagi terserah

Who do you think you are?

:')

Hello adorable readers! It's been an ages I never post the new one -,- ha I'm kidding you. Actually I totally don't know what's my purpose on making this post, I just let my fingers typing. So today is 17th October, it means today is my friend's bday OVIANI NATALIA aka yantoyyy - "happy sweet seventeen bday yantoyy! All the best for you and may God bless you :)" even I dunno you read this or not pi haha

Then, it also means today is..emm what should I called him? Ok ex, haha Idk why but it seems so funny for me lol. Today is your birthday too, right? Yea I still remember it even though our relationship had broken for a long time ago. Am I a good reminder, huh? Actually I don't know why suddenly I remembered about you..(again) ummm hello, ex..today I feel like missing you. Yeah today, I'm sitting here, in front of the laptop remembering all the things we've been through and done so far, replaying all those memories we shared. I honestly never realized how much I missed being with you. You may not be the smartest or the most handsome man, but you still the one who knows exactly how to make me smile when I'm at my lowest, the one who knows exactly how to cheer me up when I break down, and the best part is..you've such a great voice (for me) :p

And if you ever happen to read this, I just want you to know that I'm just trying to say what I've been feeling. Not the feeling to want me back to be your gf but at least we can be a super good friends, you'll be my another big brother if you want. How I wish we could talk more :) and yeah, you see I'm happy now even you're not by my side anymore. I can laugh, I can smile, still. thank you, I've completely forgotten how I loved you. And I guess it's time to stop living in the past. Time goes, never stops, it runs, and life goes on. Thanks for the memories..

my last words?

"Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, 

happy birthday..happy birthday...
happy birthday..momo"

ps: I still keep your voice note when you
sing "happy birthday" to me. It was great :) 

Forgive us ma'am :'(

HELLO BLOGGIE! Gahhhhh I miss you. Sorry if I haven't post anything a few days ago it's all because the school things -_- yayaya exams, homework and assignment err I need holiday for sure. Actually I don't know why I make this post I'm just let my fingers typing this post. Apa yang mau dibagi? Hmm oh iya hari jumat kemaren kelas gw sepi. Kenapa? Karena cowo-cowonya pada lomba futsal gitu di SMAK 1 nah inti ceritanya gini jadi pas pelajaran bahasa inggris, ma'am Atiek (wali kelas XII IPS aka wali kelas gw) nanya pertanyaan gitu tapi ga ada yang jawab and than bla bla bla.Singkat cerita ma'am kecewa banget sama kita :'(

uda kelas 12 tapi masi ga serius belajar,
uda kelas 12 masi main-main,
uda kelas 12 tapi tetep nyantai,
uda kelas 12 belajar kalo ulangan aja,

 "kalian tuh punya sayap buat terbang, saya gamau kalian gagal seperti saya. Coba kalian pikir, guru-guru disini rela tiap sabtu dateng kesini buat kasi pemantapan ke kalian. Kalo guru-guru ga sayang sama kalian, kita juga mending di rumah sama keluarga. Tapi kita luangin waktu buat kalian. Kalo kaya gini caranya percuma usaha guru-guru. Kita sama orang tua kalian itu cuman bisa mendorong. Harus kalian yang naik tangga kesuksesan itu sendiri! Kalo kalian gamau usaha buat naik sendiri percuma aja, yang ada kalian jatuh. Jangan cuman ngeluh capek-capek nanti juga abis kalian selesai ujian-ujian kalian bakal libur panjang, kalian bisa tidur sepuasnya mau bangun jam berapa juga bisa. Masa-masa kaya gini tuh emang capek, but you must face it. Kalian musti sabar. Bakal ada saatnya kalian bakal kangen masa-masa kaya gini, kangen sama kelas, kangen sama temen-temen kalian. Coba pikir, tinggal berapa bulan lagi kalian bareng-bareng kaya gini? Someday you  gonna miss this moment. I'm sure. Nanti kalo 10 tahun lagi kalian dateng ke sini uda jadi orang yang berguna sesuai cita-cita kalian, siapa yang ga seneng? Kalian juga kan yang bangga? Sedangkan guru-guru..bakalan tetep stuck jadi guru kalo pun masi ada, ga berkembang. Kalo kalian ngerasa ga ada yang care. I'm care about you. Sekarang coba tanya sama diri kalian masing-masing, sudah belom kalian mengeluarkan usaha yang maksimal selama ini? Percaya sama ma'am ini semua demi kalian."

dan selama ngomong kaya gitu ma'am nangis. Sumpah ga tega banget liatnya :( ga kuat liatnya. Emang penyakit gw nih kalo liat orang nangis jadi ikutan nangis, apalagi momentnya pas walopun gw tahan biar ga ngucur deres. Selama ma'am ngomong gitu gw ngerasa kaya sampah, ga guna, useless. Rasanya pengen gw rekam suara ma'am biar ntar kalo gw mulai down, gw bisa dengerin terus. Pertanyaan ma'am yang terakhir tuh nancep banget di gw "uda belom selama ini usaha maksimal buat ujian?" mungkin belom, tapi gw janji akan. Lebih tepatnya HARUS!

I promise this to my self

xoxo,
L

Believe me

"She can't do the things I do to you,

No one is loving you the way, the way I love you,

She can't be everything you need and what you need is me,

Coz its the way I love you. The way that I love you,

Love you the way I do" -The way I love you

Think about future

Goodbye September and hello October! Forget the bad things, start a new beginning and Oct pleaseeeeeeeeeee be nice! Btw hari ini sama besok sekolah gue ngadain EDUFAIR jadi banyak kampus atau universitas gitu yang dateng, bisa dibilang promosi juga sih buat mereka then the bad news is....gw tambah bingung dan makin sadar kalo uda jadi anak kelas 12 -______- honestly I dunno exactly where I want to continue my study yea this is sounds so stupid, I know..How come a 12th grader still didn't know about her future? What should I choose? Psychology, business, or communications? And the biggest problem is... WHEREEEEE?? Geezzzz I'm so confused :(


1. UNIVERSITAS INDONESIA
Siapa gamau masuk UI? Kalo sampe ada ya kebangetan -_- well like we know UI tuh punya gengsi tersendiri hmm gimana ya kesannya kalo masuk UI tuh WOW banget dan derajat kita berasa naik haha menurut gw sih gitu, kalo di UI gw mau ambil psikologi kalo ga komunikasinya. Semoga gw tembus Simak taun depan.Yellow jackets, I'll be a part of you! AMEN

UI

2. ATMAJAYA
Entah kenapa atma sepertinya jadi pilihan kedua. Sebenernya buat cadangan aja sih kalo ga tembus simak (amit-amit semoga ga kejadian) bukannya pesimis, tapi kan kita gatau ntar gimana jadi ya cari aman seenggaknya punya pegangan swasta. Di atma gw minat banget psikologinya katanya bagus uda gitu sampingnya plangi, kalo bosen kan tinggal loncat :p tapi di atma gw radaaa.....hmmm yaudalah ya gausah dibahas heuuu

Atma 

3. PRASETIYA MULYA
Kenapa tertarik kesini? Hmm ya sebenernya dari awal cita-cita gwjadi businesswoman tapi entah kenapa pas kelas 12 gini gue lebih tertarik ke psikologi atau komunikasi -_- hmm yaa things have changed. Hasrat itu masih ada, tapi ga segede dulu. Jujur tadi abis denger presentasi sama dateng ke standnya prasmul gw malah makin ga niat hmm gatau kenapa yang presentasiin tuh gabisa mengsugesti dan meyakinkan kalo prasmul itu bagus bisnisnya apalagi pas presentasi barengan sama carlo sama tete yang ada malah becanda sama menghayal haha but thats fun :)

Prasmul

Jadi intinya masuk mana? Gatau -_- kata nyokap disuruhnya gue ngambil atma dulu ya walopun ntar duit yang udah ditransfer gabisa dibalikin seenggaknya gw pasti kuliah, ga akan cengok nganggur setaun di rumah.

I'll always try to do the best and make my parents proud to have a daughter like me. Last but not least I believe that God loves me in His own way, I know He will prepare the best for me :)