This is called reality

Alohaaa! The exams is over! Ok not really because on Monday it'll be klasikal for pkn -_- but I don't really care about it. Ah yea I just woke up with a big question on my head. Who the hell that man in my dream? Is it him or another one? He told that I have changed. Yes he's right, not only in my dream but also in reality. I have changed. Don't ask me why, because this is me. I've found the real me.

Oh how I miss the days where my smile was actually true. Now it’s just to let everyone know I’m fine, most of all. I just hate the moment when the flashback starts. Yeah memory, memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, things you are, things you never want to lose.

I know life can be so hard. It can beat me down, it can spit in my face and it can do just about anything. But still, I must face the reality. Past is history. We are living today, tomorrow's a new start. I must wake up my self that I must fight for my future. I must study hard and make a priority. Like now, I don't know where I continue my study after I graduate later -_- fyi I have been accepted in Atmajaya, psychology faculty. But till now I can't make the decision, take it or leave it. I'm totally confused. Is it the best for me? Or not? Honestly, when I go to Atma with my mom a few days ago for the administration thing I can't feel my heart there. How can I say hmm I don't know why but I feel like something in my mind told me that "this's not your place" even my mom was excited when she knows that I have been accepted, 'cause yeah I admit that atma has a good reputation in that faculty. But still..I'm not sure :/ I know God will guide me to find my future. Wherever He put me in, I believe that's the best for me.

Where am I?

For whatever that is I wanted to do, I needed time, and I needed to focus. The more I grow older, the more I learn to be true to myself. It sounds cheesy, I know. But it matters, really. Me? I’m scared of anything. I’m scared of what I saw, I’m scared of what I did, of who I am and everything. And for now..I don't think to make a relationship with someone. I happy being single lady. I'm free like a bird. For you someone out there, don't promise me something that you won't keep. Don't say you're going to do something you're not going to do. Seriously, no need to be bringing my hopes up and trying to make me happy. Because in the end, as high as my hopes gets is as low as it's going to drop, or even worse. I don't need any dissapointment. Again.

nb: I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, 'cause my parents taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate :)

Proud of my self, 

Sofiany  Leoni♥