Happy new year!

Before I start this post, I would like to wish every one who may  read this a happy new year 2011! May this year bring us happiness, success, filled with peace, and togetherness with our family & friends. I don't know why but it seemed like 2010 has just started, but here we are now, standing straight to the future in 2011. Honestly, 2010 was a year that I'll never forget in my life 'cause 2010 was totally complicated and full of memories.

Let's make a new beginning with a happy ending!

First of all I wanna say..
* thanks to those who hated me, you made me a stronger person
* thanks to those who envied me, you made my self-esteem grow stronger
* thanks to those who left, you showed me that nothing lasts forever
* thanks to those who copied me, you prove me that I'm a trendsetter
* thanks to those who cared, you made me feel important
* thanks to those who entered my life, you made me who I am today
* thanks to those who loved me, you made my day brighter

Actually there are more than a million things that I wish I could do in 2010 but I couldn't. So I'd try my best to complete my 2010 resolution in this new year. Here are my new years resolutions:

1. make God as my priority . I want to pray more, read His word more and trust Him to get me through each day
2. get a best score in every subject
3. study harder, more diligent and accepted at the best university
4. being a lovable person without having to be someone else and being a better person. 'a talk less, do more' person
5. make some new friends and have a gentle boyfriend
6. become a good sister for my brothers and daddy's sweetest daughter
7. I will be a more patient person and try to understand that others cannot be perfect, just as I cannot be perfect
8. I will strive to accept differing opinions in a way that is tolerant and respectful
9. I wanna be smarter, slimmer, healthier, richer and anything with all the suffix 'er' 

I hope I can make it real soon as possible. AMEN. I know that I've made a lot of dumb mistakes in 2010, but it was those same dumb mistakes that made me much stronger and tougher. So whatever you do, wherever you are, we finally end 2010 and begin 2011. Let's take 2011 as a new empty glass, then let's prepare to fill it with loads of various liquids of life and learn some new lesson to be a better person. Last but not least thank you for all the memories; friends, ex and fam. Eventhough some of them aren't great but still, I wanna say thanks..for colouring my 2010 :')

I love you mom

'Cause you are amazing, just the way you are..

Happy mother's day MOM! She's everything, irreplaceable, means a lot and loving her is like food to my soul. She's such a strong woman, she act like nothing happened eventhough there are so many things have ruined her mind. She understands me so much without I said something first, and the best thing..she never forced me to do something if I don't want to. A mother understands what a child does not say 'cause mother knows the best, and I believe with that. I might act like a shit sometimes, but it won't change my love for her 'cause forever it will stay the same. You know that you're totally amazing and you're truly my hero, mom. Words will never be enough to describe my love for you. 

I'm sorry mom eventhough you always try to give me what I want, what I need, but still, it ain't enough for me. I'm sorry mom if I always ask you to pay every little things that I've done for you, but you never wanted a pay back for all the big things you've done for me. I'm sorry mom if I've been treating you badly and I'm not good enough to make you proud, but someday I will. I want to see your happy face when you see your daughter can be a successful woman. She taught me so many things, she always says that I have to be strong and don't be weak for a man. I have to work and don't depend everything on my husband. I will mom, I promise.

Once again, happy mother's day for all the prettiest mom in this earth!

your lovely daughter,

Sofiany Leoni♥

Grandpa, I miss you

How are you there grandpa? Suddenly I remember the happiest part of my childhood when you were still alive. Another year has passed. The spaces between us are infinite. I want to be with you this Christmas, but I can't. No wait, I can but maybe not now, later. I miss you and I love you so much. I want and need to talk to you. I can still feel you right here by my side, at each step of my life. I can still feel you in the darkest of the skies, as a shining star, glowing bright as ever.

This is not the first time I post something about you. But this is the only one I can do when I miss you :( the day that you left us, you didn't say good-bye. God was calling his angel home and there was no time to ask why, I know you are happy now with Him. Opa, you watched over me while you were here and I know that you'll watch over me from up there.You taught me how to be a strong lady and I'm glad to be your granddaughter. Tears have fallen for you, some happy and some sad. Each moment we spent together will be special to me forever :')

"Selamat ulang tahun ke-8 23 januari lalu. Semoga Tuhan memberkati, umur panjang, sehat dan rajin belajar untuk hari depan yang lebih baik. dari Opa 7/12/2001" 

Opa, do you remember? Those words you have been written by yourself when I was eight. Even it looks nothing special but it makes me smile everytime I see it. I miss your sweet smile, your warm hug, your voice, your kindness, your angry face, the moment when we had a good time when we swim together and every little things about you. I still keep all the toys that you have given to me; all the barbies and dolls, I never ever want to give it to anyone eventhough I'm not a little child anymore.

As always..

If you were here, I want to sit in front of you and hold your face in my hands, caress your sweet cheeks and tell you how precious and special you are, how much I love you and how much I've missed you. I want to hear anything you want to say, do anything you want me to do, and go anywhere you want..I just want my grandpa back. The more I wish to bring you back, the more it makes me feel helpless. And fyi today I received my report card, then you know what? I passed all the subject opa :) I promise I'll do better and study harder to make you proud. For my grandma, I don't know what or how to write about you because I never see you. But I believe that you love me as a grandma loves her granddaughter. Sometimes I feel envy with those who still has a grandma, 'cause they know how it feels to be loved and cared by a grandma. But I still be grateful that I know how it feels to be loved by a grandpa eventhough just for a short time. Till now, whenever I see a swimming pool I always remember about you, the greatest and the kindest grandpa in the world. I know we'll meet again sooner or later.

Opa, I wish to hug you tight eventhough I know I can't. But I have my arms open. Umm, I guess I'll hug my pillow and thinking it's you. Psssttt, do you know what opa? I'm 17th already,  it means your little girl has been transformed to be a young lady. I'll make you proud, someday. Though I can't see you, I know that you're still here 'cause in my memories you'll always live and in my heart you're always near. One thing you must know, you will never ever be forgotten opa..

With love,

Sofiany Leoni♥

Christmas is on the way

Hey guys! It's been quite a long time since the last time I updated my blog. I totally don't know what's my purpose on making this post, I just let my fingers typing without knowing what will it type then. Lately, I have a problem in controlling my temper. Not that I throw everything away when I’m angry, it’s just I get moody easily :/ I don't know why but that's what I feel hmm khey forget it.

Btw I'm so glad that Christmas is on the way! 'Cause Christmas is my favorite time of year. I love this atmosphere because it's a time to share happiness with those you love and lots of hugs. It makes me smile when I sing the Christmas songs and share stories all night long. When I look up at the sky, I smile when I see the stars up above and I remember a long time ago, love came down on Christmas day and changed my life. I want Christmas songs playing on the radio all day. I want the streets and malls to be full with decorations. I want to see people rushing in the stores to buy gifts and kids singing Christmas carols. One thing for sure, Christmas means a long holiday. It's a long excitement, when Christmas passes we still have new year to celebrate. Wooppps I love December so much!

Can't wait for Christmas

Time has been running faster, really. Honestly I can't wait for holiday. 'Cause this is gonna be my last holiday before I must face many TO and all the test including the national exams -_- it also means this is the last year I celebrate Christmas and new years as a highschool student. Yeah next year I'm gonna be a college student (amen!) wohoo totally can't wait for it. I know life is getting harder and I'm getting older. In this life, I thought that life is not about winning, getting and having everything. It's about losing and letting go of what used to be mine. One thing, dear lovely Santa please give me a special gift for this Christmas. It can be people or the thing that I want the most, I know you can read my mind without I write it down :p last but not least, Christmas please comes faster!

This is called reality

Alohaaa! The exams is over! Ok not really because on Monday it'll be klasikal for pkn -_- but I don't really care about it. Ah yea I just woke up with a big question on my head. Who the hell that man in my dream? Is it him or another one? He told that I have changed. Yes he's right, not only in my dream but also in reality. I have changed. Don't ask me why, because this is me. I've found the real me.

Oh how I miss the days where my smile was actually true. Now it’s just to let everyone know I’m fine, most of all. I just hate the moment when the flashback starts. Yeah memory, memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, things you are, things you never want to lose.

I know life can be so hard. It can beat me down, it can spit in my face and it can do just about anything. But still, I must face the reality. Past is history. We are living today, tomorrow's a new start. I must wake up my self that I must fight for my future. I must study hard and make a priority. Like now, I don't know where I continue my study after I graduate later -_- fyi I have been accepted in Atmajaya, psychology faculty. But till now I can't make the decision, take it or leave it. I'm totally confused. Is it the best for me? Or not? Honestly, when I go to Atma with my mom a few days ago for the administration thing I can't feel my heart there. How can I say hmm I don't know why but I feel like something in my mind told me that "this's not your place" even my mom was excited when she knows that I have been accepted, 'cause yeah I admit that atma has a good reputation in that faculty. But still..I'm not sure :/ I know God will guide me to find my future. Wherever He put me in, I believe that's the best for me.

Where am I?

For whatever that is I wanted to do, I needed time, and I needed to focus. The more I grow older, the more I learn to be true to myself. It sounds cheesy, I know. But it matters, really. Me? I’m scared of anything. I’m scared of what I saw, I’m scared of what I did, of who I am and everything. And for now..I don't think to make a relationship with someone. I happy being single lady. I'm free like a bird. For you someone out there, don't promise me something that you won't keep. Don't say you're going to do something you're not going to do. Seriously, no need to be bringing my hopes up and trying to make me happy. Because in the end, as high as my hopes gets is as low as it's going to drop, or even worse. I don't need any dissapointment. Again.

nb: I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, 'cause my parents taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate :)

Proud of my self, 

Sofiany  Leoni♥